π“Ÿ host1.bitchan.one

𓀐 @iNiZiwzS

⏱ 5d seenβ›“ 0πŸ‘ 0β§– 1

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I'm hetero but not insecure, and I still think about it years later because of the effect on my self-esteem that little interaction had on me for years. I was a shy kid and unwilling to engage in conflict, that made me feel effeminate. Also I was nothing like my father (who was a rugged, aggressive, explosive cop) and I was told over and over again that I looked like my mom and I was a lot like her and blah blah blah Despite girls saying I was cute and being slightly popular, I never felt better about my appareance. I hated my skin and my lips and I got bullied for it too (by closeted homosexuals and jealous peers). I wanted to be an ugly, scary motherfucker but I was never going to get there (I thought trying to act tough made me look clownish). Everytime I got bullied or got a compliment, everytime I got compared to my mom, I recalled that little encounter at the beach. This at some point led me to believe I was a freak of nature, that maybe I was supposed to be a woman but I was born as a man, but this wasn't the tranny "yas I need to turn into a woman, my true self" thing, it felt more like an accident of nature, like I would never be able to belong anywhere because I was a mashup of two incompatible things and I failed at being either of them, very succintly summed up by as "having the face of a girl but the body of a boy", what the fuck was that? A freak. It took me years to get over this. Reading Jung and finally growing facial hair were a huge help.⏱ 5d↩