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here, the tldr is autism (the shitty kind you get from being a shut in/loner) and unresolved traumas (the latter probably led to the former)
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are you sure you're not just severely under socialized instead of actually autistic? There is a lot of crossover between the two, but they are not the same. Regarding the traumas, that sucks, but you're a man, so you need to actively seek solutions so you can build yourself up, or at least, not be so pathetic. Are you trying? Do you even want to try?
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