Here's the thing is want to be admired by a person i know deeply and admire. Much like nona I cannot find someone whom I havent had deep connections with attractive. Additionally I already get out and I am in a very male dominated setting, student association and whatnot. The bachelors should have been here by now. I don't fall into the normal categories of womanhood and it is my biggest vice but I don't want to play pretend either, nor do I have the looks to lure someone in nor am I charming or have good speaking skills. To add salt to the wound, the one man I have ever been attracted to has told me explicitly he sees me like a man. And I feel like all of this has to do with a combination of the fact that womanhood is a performative act and if you don't act a certain way you aren't womanly enough to get any ladylike treatment. But at the same time you aren't seen as an equal or as a competent person. Just this weird in-between spot of undesirability and disrespect. A "masculine" woman is just treated like a boy. This one gets it. >Please stop doing this “I’m not like other girls :(“ schtick There is legitimacy to what im saying though since I am a black girl in a white dominated field and area who genly is not given the tru womahood experience. I can larp however much I want but lets be honest here pure femeninity is never assigned to black women. We have historically been masculinized and dehumanised and I AM outside the bubble of traditional femeninity. Its like being a woman with none of the benefits lmao.

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